One of the most common ways that you increase your chance of failure is by saying: “I am <bad thing>”.
- “I am a sugar addict”
- “I am a crappy parent”
- “I am a failure”
- “I am a lazy person”
- “I am too busy”
While saying this might help you to justify your problems and reasons for not being as successful as you’d like to be, the problem is that it holds you back.
Saying “I AM” defines you. It puts a label on you. It puts you in a box.
It gives you an identity which drives your (bad) behaviour and prevents progress.
But what if you re-worded that?
I’ll often respond with:
- “It sounds like you’re struggling with sugar?”
- “It sounds like you’re having difficulty parenting?”
- “It sounds like you’ve had a few setbacks?”
- “It sounds like you’re either struggling energy?”
- “It sounds like you have a time management issue?”
This kind of simple rephrasing works like magic.
Now the problem isn’t something they ARE. It’s no longer their identity.
Now the problem is only something that they HAVE. It’s just the current state of things.
Once you un-stick the problem from your identity, it makes it less permanent. Easier to change.
The more “distance” you can create between the problem and your identity, the better.