Carmen learns to love herself

“My Journey has not been about weight loss but my transformation is mostly about learning to love myself and I know this is a battle that majority of us struggle with!”

From when I was a child I have always lived an active lifestyle, I use to partake in many athletic activities along with sports back in primary school as well as High school.

I was such an enthusiastic teenager and loved life doing Taebo classes almost 6 times a week.

College happened and I fell off the “band-wagon”. I stopped training, I started drinking and I was not aware of what I was putting into my body. I never picked up weight but I slowly started feeling the negative impact it had on my body and most importantly my mind. I constantly struggled with acne, a very low source of energy, I started developing cellulite and stretch-marks and my mind-set completely shifted from been a ‘positive go-getter’ person I became extremely demotivated and lacked the enthusiasm for life.

I became depressed and my self-image was at its all-time low.

College which was supposed to be the best days of my life were the most dreadful. I hated who I was and how I looked – at that stage in my life I was constantly comparing myself to other ladies and never felt entirely ‘good enough’. I felt like I was pressured to look a certain way before I could be “socially acceptable”.

In 2012 I hit an all-time low, feeling like I had no purpose in life, that is when I tried to commit suicide. I  landed up been in hospital for almost a week. This happened to be the most challenging time in my life. I was grateful that I pulled through and that I was given another chance but at the same time I was very angry.

I did not know how to at this point in my life deal with the struggles I was facing within me, my demons! Nobody could understand what I was going through, sometimes not even myself, hence the reasoning behind my actions.

Months passed and I realised how loved I truly was by others and no matter how difficult your situation might seem, there is always a way out!    

A couple of years passed and in 2014 I got married, I thought I finally found the light, I was in love and finally happy again, like I had a whole new reason, to just be the best wife that I possibly could. Not too shortly thereafter we found out that we were expecting, YES my little man was a honeymoon baby!

I was very content with life at this time, I was glowing, so excited to be carrying a life and to be sharing this with the man I loved, I also only gained 10kg throughout my entire pregnancy so my confidence shined through. I was back to my pre pregnancy weight in only a matter of 2 months.

The first year after having my son was extremely tiring, emotionally and physically, I let myself go completely like I’m sure most moms do.

I went through a very painful time not to long into my marriage that completely broke me down and at this point in time in my life I realised that I needed change. I needed to fall in love with myself again as well as with life so that I could be a better wife to my husband and a better mom to my son.

I came across the  Sleekgeek 8-Week Challenge while browsing the internet. I had a look and at first thought it was just a waste of money so I kept browsing but for the life of me could not stop thinking “this is a sign Carmen” I got home, told my husband that I wanted to do it and we both decided that we would do the challenge as partners in the Couples Challenge.

My head was really in it, I was very focused and extremely excited to take this next step in my life, I went into this challenge not knowing what to expect, what I was doing or what I wanted, I just knew I wanted to look and feel a certain way.

Every day I made conscious decisions about what I would put in my mouth and how I would train, I became obsessed with this new lifestyle I so desperately needed!

I placed third in the transformation category after my first challenge, wow but was I proud! I felt for the first time like I did not give up on myself nor let MYSELF down and this was not about anybody else but me! I was in a very good space in my life at this point, I liked what I saw in the mirror and I was just generally a happy person!

Here are my first Sleekgeek 8-Week Challenge results photos: 

But life has strange ways of spiralling out of control.

My marriage was falling apart and this only after a year and a bit. I hit rock bottom after numerous affairs that broke me down to such an extent that I doubted who I was and never felt good enough in anything that I did from my marriage to my work and even started doubting my worth as a mother to my son.

I questioned everything I did and everything that I thought! I was tired of fighting this constant battle for self-love from within, We so often judge who we are by the actions and opinions of other people!

I kept on believing “How could I learn to love myself if I was constantly been rejected?” and this is why I feel my story needs to be heard!  

My Journey has not been about weight loss but my transformation is mostly about learning to love myself and I know this is a battle that majority of us struggle with!

I have been on my journey for almost 2 years now and only realised this year that the change I truly needed was from within and the rest just followed, as soon as I started accepting who I was and loving who I was with flaws, with a mummy tummy, with cellulite, with small breasts.

Everything that I hated about myself I started accepting, yes it is hard, but it is possible and necessary to love the body that you currently have in order to better oneself, only then did everything else fall into place. I now love myself enough to respect my body and to look after my body in all aspects! Mentally and physically!  

This challenge has changed my life, this community has humbled me and made me realise that we are all fighting something, we need to be kind and we need to listen!  

It was and still is on odd days extremely difficult  but one thing I have come to learn is that my biggest enemy was truly MYSELF and we tend to be so nasty and unforgiving to the one person we need to take care of the most!  

Regardless of our struggles, we need to accept that they are there and that they should not restrict us nor stop us from been the best reflection of ourselves but only better us! Strengthen us.

I am 25 years old, currently going through a divorces, yes it’s not easy, but I have learnt and agreed to love myself through these hard times!  

Thank you to each and every Sleek! Because of this community my life has changed, I now live humbly and Graciously! And am grateful for each day I get to better myself as a Person

And THAT’S LIFE: Winning humbly, losing graciously.

Carmen.